Used to Love Her
by lillykawaii
Summary: Tai and Matt kill an archenemy. Dark Comedy. Jun and Sora bashing.


Note: The song belongs to Guns N' Roses, Digimon belongs to someone besides me

Note: The song belongs to Guns N' Roses, Digimon belongs to someone besides me. This has a bunch of Damn cussin' and **Jun and Sora bashing** and **murder**. You don't like, then please don't read, otherwise, knock yourself out, but **_NO_ Flames**.

****

Used To Love Her  


Our story opens up with the adorable Matt sitting on a rock in his back yard. Yes, I know he lives in an apartment, but dammit, humor me. He is holding an acoustic guitar, and after a moment, strums it and begins to sing.

//I used to love her, but I had to kill her   
I used to love her, but I had to kill her//

Tai is standing by a rather large hole, with a shovel in one hand. "Matt! Hey Matt!"

Matt stops singing and looks at him, with a very annoyed expression on his face. "What is it, Tai! I'm trying to sing here!"

"Oh okay. Gomen."

//I had to put her   
Six feet under//

"Hey Matt!"

"Tai! What the hell do you want?!"

"How come I have to dig the hole and bury the body, and you get to sit on your ass and sing?"

"Because I've heard you sing, Tai. We just want to kill her, not everyone in hearing range! Now can I finish my song!"

"Be my guest!"

Matt clears his throat. "And I-"

Tai interrupts. "Be our guest, be our guest, put our service to the test!"

"Tai, make up your mind, are you going to help me commit manslaughter, or are you going to sing and dance to Disney songs?" Steam is shooting from his adorable little ears.

"Do I really have a choice?"

"No."

Tai goes back to digging, but not without muttering a few choice statements about our beloved blonde.

Matt grins and starts strumming his guitar again.

  
//And I can still hear her complain//

"Hey, Matt, can you really sing that, I mean, you never really talked to her that much. How do you know if she was a complainer?"

"Tai, do you want to join her in the freakin' hole?!"

"No!" he squeeks, then pouts and goes back to work.

  
//I used to love her, but I had to kill her   
I used to love her, but I had to kill her//

"Matt, you didn't love her! Shame on you! You're leading our loyal fanficcers on!"

"Tai, listen carefully."

"Okay."

"Do…"

"Yeah."

"You…"

"Uh-huh."

"Want…"

"Right."

"Me…"

"Yeah."

"To…"

"Yup."

"Shove…"

"I hear ya."

"That…"

"Mhmm."

"Shovel…"

"Uh-huh."

"Up…"

"That's right."

"Your…"

"I hear ya."

"Ass?…"

"You bet."

"You're not even listening to me goggle head!"

"Huh?"

"I said you're not listening to me!"

"What?"

"You aren't listening to me!"

"Huh? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

"Omae o korosu!"

"Just sing your little song, Matty."

Matt gives him the Heero Yuy death glare and resumes his song.

//knew I miss her

So I had to keep her

She's buried right in my back yard//

"That's not what you said when you killed her."

"Congratulations, Tai! You let me get through three lines of the song before you interrupted me! Now, what's your problem?"

"I distinctly remember you saying, 'So long, you insane little ditzy! Old Matty won't be missin' you a bit!', and then you laughed like this, 'Mwahahaha!'."

"Oh, I guess I did. Oh, well."

"Before you start your embellished little song again, can we let our readers at home know how we killed her?"

Matt sighs. "I suppose."

****

Flashback. {doodly-doo…doodly-doo…doodly-doo…}

****

'_Hey, Jun!'_

'Hey Matt! You're looking super sexy today.'

'Thanks, I guess. Hey, you wanna see a picture of me kissing Gwyneth Paltrow?'

Jun puts her hand to her forehead and collapses to the ground. Tai and Matt each grab a foot and begin dragging her to Matt's house. Each time they hit a bump, the corpse makes a slight noise, which sounds like this, 'OW!'.

Matt looks at Tai uncertainly. 'Tai, are you sure she's dead?'

Tai nods. 'Trust me, Matt, I know when someone is dead, and she is absolutely, positively dead.'

Matt looks slightly relieved and continues to drag the Motomiya girl along, taking the bumpiest route possible.

****

End Flashback. {Dum-de-dum-dum-dum…}

****

"Can I finish my song now?" Matt begs, getting on his knees.

"Anything you want, Yama, but you know, you're being awful distracting! I mean, how am I supposed to get my digging done if you keep interrupting me with your chatter?"

Matt passes out. Three minutes later he sits up, rubs his cute little head, and resumes his song, again.

//I used to love her, but I had to kill her   
I used to love her, but I had to kill her//

"There you go with that lie about loving her again!"

"Tai, I swear, I will tell the world that you still wear Spiderman underwear!"

Tai squeeks and starts shoveling double time, occasionally throwing a worried glance over his shoulder at Matt.

  
//She bitched so much   
She drove me nuts   
And now I'm happier this way//

"You know, Matt, I've been thinking, what's in this for me?"

Matt buries his face in his hands and sobs uncontrollably. "I'll give you back all your Gundam Wing sex comics. Just let me finish the song!"

Tai shouts out with glee and starts digging again.

Matt just gives a tired sigh and starts playing again.

  
//I used to love her, but I had to kill her   
I used to love her, but I had to kill her//

He pauses and gives Tai an evil look, daring him to say anything.

Tai pouts and continues shoveling.

//I had to put her   
Six feet under   
And I can still hear her complain//

"Actually Matt, this is more like four feet."

Matt throws down his guitar and lunges for the darling little goggle boy. They wrestle above the grave, beating the snot out of each other until they hear a noise.

"Shh…Matt, what was that? Did you hear it?"

They both pause for a few seconds. "Nah, Tai, it was nothing. Shall we?"

"Be my guest."

Matt resumes pummeling Tai, when suddenly Jun sits up, unearthing herself, and destroying Tai's hard work.

"Agghhhh! A ghost!" Tai screams, running as fast as he can from the terror that is Jun.

Matt is close at his heels. "She wasn't dead in the first place, Baka!"

"Well pardon the hell outta me!" Suddenly Tai trips. As he's going down, he grabs Matt's leg and pulls him down with him.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't stop!"

"Matt! Tai!" Jun comes running up.

"Jun lovely to see you!" Matt gushes.

"You have an earthworm in your hair," Tai adds before Matt elbows him in the ribs.

"What happened? I don't remember anything," she says, rubbing her head.

"Well, uh…someone tried to kill you," Tai pipes up, looking desperately at Matt.

"Yeah, we were trying to dig you up when you came to," Matt adds.

Jun's face gets really red. "Who?! Who was it?"

"It was uhh…"

"Ahh…"

"Sora," Tai blurts out.

Matt nods and grins, "Yeah, Sora."

"I'll kill her!" Jun yells, stalking off.

"Feel free to use our hole," Tai calls after her.

"No, I may need it myself…" Matt says slyly.

"You don't mean…"

Matt nods.

"Eep!" Tai is on his feet, fleeing for his life.

"Wait, Tai, come back!" Matt is hot on his tracks. "I love you!"

Tai stops and turns around. "Do you mean that?"

"No."

"Aggh! Help, Someone! Help! Famous soccer star's life hanging in the balance! Someone! Anyone!"

Matt grins evilly and starts running faster.

Somewhere, in the distant, far off horizon, they can hear Sora scream out in pain as Jun catches up with her. Tai himself puts on an extra burst of speed, knowing that his life may have been spared if only he hadn't interrupted that damn song.

~*Lilly Kawaii*~

"Keeping Season 02 alive one fic at a time."


End file.
